"They each got someone to lean on. They'll be fine."
Cause that's how it worked, wasn't it? Literally. And not quite so literally, too. Who knew how many times they'd taken advantage of the small comforts now.
Kai tilt his head, letting his gaze fall back on the gentle slopes of Shinji's profile. "S'worked for us so far, right?" He said, unknowingly echoing some of the other boy's thoughts.
Spotting that bit of movement out of the corner of his eye, Shinji angles his head just a bit to catch Kai's glance.
"Yeah. Even if it takes more work than just that, it's all still worth it," he says, with a sheepish little smile, before turning his attention back up. Clearly, we're getting less and less vague with who we're really talking about here, between the theoretical celestial runaways and the very real ones laying on the ground speculating about them.
Kai's gaze softened with that, a tender whisp of a smile slipping across his face. That was good to hear. It wasn't the first time the sentiment had come up, but every time it did it had gotten a little bit warmer. A little bit closer to something they could probably call happiness. Amazing.
"Good," Kai murmured warmly. "You've... gotten a lot brighter, y'know."
It's not the first, and it's unlikely to be the last time he says it, either. Every time he comes back to that thought, it continues to strike him how much more and more comfortable he is with it, after all. Whatever reservations he may still be unable to shake, they only seem to feel smaller and smaller in comparison to the merits of being here.
Merits worth sticking around for, like that hint of a smile from Kai, like those warm words settling on his heart.
"Ah," that warmth blooms up into his cheeks, but he doesn't pay it much mind this time around. "I think... no, I know I have you to thank for that."
If Kai hand't been so stubborn about making sure he was okay, Shinji would probably still be holing himself up as much as possible, keeping himself from getting to honestly enjoy the sorts of kind experiences this world and the other people brought here opened up for him. He knows he owes Kai more than he could ever repay in that respect, the least he can do is try to put that effort paid to him to good use.
"I might not ever really like myself, but even if it's really, really hard... I want to try and be a better person than I was."
Kai had to pause, lips parting ever so slightly with a sentiment he didn't have the words for. Taking credit for something like this seemed wildly incorrect but... God, if this was the one good thing his dumb ass could manage in his life, Kai was more than okay with that. If nothing else, this was good.
"Shinji..."
Rolling a little, Kai propped himself up to look at him just a bit better. He couldn't really be too disheartened by some of that-- compared to where Shinji had been about a year ago, even just "maybe not ever really liking himself" was. Real Big Progress? Wanting to be better would just keep changing that for the better, maybe? That felt right, at least. Kai wanted to believe in that.
He settled his hand warm near the far edge of Shinji's collar, squeezing lightly. "You'll get there. Definitely."
Ahh, there he goes, proving Shinji's point with the vote of confidence, the reassurance that it was a goal worth chasing. He certainly never leaves Shinji wanting for any kind of feedback, like there's enough to him worth salvaging and repairing and sending forward. What else can he do, if not take it to heart?
"Thank you," he says gently, lifting one hand to rest on top of Kai's, echoing that squeeze with one of his own. Thank you, for tonight, for believing in him, "For everything. I really am lucky that we got to meet here."
It still felt kind of weird, to be thanked for something like this. It felt like believing in him should have just been a baseline to follow, but... Well, Kai knew that wasn't the case didn't he. He'd low-key been in a state of disbelief this whole time over similar enough sentiments. Maybe someday these would be feelings that were normal.
Wouldn't that be wild?
Kai leaned down, gently bumping his head against Shinji's. "Yeah," he murmured. They were both really lucky. "Can't think of anywhere I'd rather be." Not now. Not after all of this.
So close...! Shinji's heart skips a beat as Kai dips his head down, and settles once again as those quiet words settle on his ears.
That is... kind of a heavy sentiment, isn't it? Not one that Shinji can't grasp, the fact that Kai never seems to have much to say as far as sentimental memories of the world he came from is awfully telling, but it's not like he's in the same position as Shinji is. Where there's essentially nothing to return to, where Havenwell truly is the better option, even with its quirks and pitfalls. To think that Kai would have it better here, to think that Shinji would have some hand in it...
And yet, can he really deny that he's factoring in to that claim, not when they're here, not when Kai's so close. It's enough to refresh that barely buried worry that he's somehow deceived the other, how could he possibly factor in to something that important, but...
Ah. This really is nice.
"Me neither." He exhales softly, not quite a laugh, but close, as he reaches up with his free hand to gently rest at the back of Kai's head, in a gesture almost like a hair-ruffle. Almost. "I hope... I get to stay here with you for as long as possible."
There was something almost electric about the way Shinji's fingertips skirted over his hair. For a moment, Kai could have sworn that maybe he'd done something by accident. It didn't seem that way though? There was no alarm happening, just all of this. It was pretty close to a hair ruffle though. Enough so that Kai let his eyes slip close for a moment, a soft smile on his lips.
Undeniably, there was a small part of him that was holding on to a scrap of guilt that he hadn't done anything more back home. The nights of anxious highways hadn't entirely gone away yet. But who knew if anyone still needed him? ... Who knew if they'd ever needed him in the first place?
"Me too," Kai agreed, looking at Shinji again. "S'good thing we've got a lot of work to do, I guess."
There is a whole planet here to fix, who can really say how long that will take? The times that he'd speculated about it, Shinji had kind of imagined it could easily be a lifetime's worth of work, and that, as long as he put as much work as he could into himself as well, a lifetime spent here might not be a bad outcome.
Now, though, even if he were offered the possibility of going back, and the part of him that still feels like he's got some responsibility or obligation to either fix the mess he left behind or live with it... he really, truly wouldn't want to leave Kai behind. It's selfish, and he knows it is, but after everything, he'd unquestionably hate himself even more if he seriously considered choosing to hurt the other like that.
"Mmm," he hums softly in agreement. Who knew that potential lifetime of work would be a 'good thing'? How wild. "I'll do what I can, so that maybe the two of us can see a real night sky together someday."
Whether that could be close possibility, or remain a distant promise to keep in mind.
Kai's eyes brightened as he laughed at that in a hushed rumble. What a completely charming goal. True it was already one he already had on the backburner, but hearing someone else share it with him (for him?) was what made it special all of a sudden.
"Yeah. Get ourselves a real sky, and then we can find a real mountain for the real view." Between the stargazing and other hikes he'd handed promises to, it was going to be a whole camping affair. That sounded... really good, actually.
"I guess this all counts as hard work, huh?" This extremely bro position they were in. What a good work ethic. Kai grinned. "Good job."
"I guess so," he answers with a tiny, sheepish little laugh. "Thank you for all of your hard work."
Good job on the touch points, everyone!
He sends that thought off with a soft hum of approval, only to have another one swim in and take its place. It's not a new one, it's something that's been passing through his mind since this whole trip was proposed, but the notion that, perhaps, it could be said out loud... feels kind of appealing right now.
"Mmm?" There was a question in Kai's cheery hum as he gingerly pulled away a bit. Not far enough that Shinji would be able to miss that cock of Kai's brow though. After everything else, was this still a question he felt like he needed to ask?
Of course he was gonna go for it, but! He likes giving Kai a heads up before just dropping information on him!!
"I wasn't going to tell anyone because it's really not a big deal, but, it's actually my birthday today."
He says it with a sheepish little smile, like he's really hoping this won't blow anything out of proportion - he just wants to let Kai know, that's all! "So all of this feels extra nice, you know?"
A birthday. Today! A birthday! Up went those brows again as Kai blinked, breathing out a simple, "Ohh." No wonder Shinji had been asking if this venture had been for any particular reason! Because it had secretly been. A birthday.
Well this sure was serendipitous. Kai wouldn't have actually known what to do (or even if he was even like... supposed to do anything) for this had he known beforehand. Likewise, he still didn't have any idea what this meant going forward but. Hm. "Hah! Guess the cake really worked out."
A today birthday! For however much longer today's planning on lasting!
Really, he hadn't been expecting much, or anything at all for that matter. It's not... a secret, exactly, but boy oh boy did he seriously not like the idea of having a party, or even getting that kind of spotlight directed his way, which means not bringing it up is really the ideal way to go about it. It's not an important thing, and the number of extra months getting robot-kidnapped injected into his calendar kind of made it all a moot-point anyway. Just a completely meaningless date, no matter how you slice it! At the same time, it doesn't feel all that uncomfortable to be telling Kai, and especially not after they've already done some birthday-adjacent things completely by coincidence.
This... yeah. This is good. Really good.
"Thank you," any traces of embarrassment fade away at that, leaving a soft sincerity to his smile. Any one piece of this evening would have been more than enough on its own, putting it all together makes it a real delight. "Getting to spend it like this has honestly been amazing."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Cause that's how it worked, wasn't it? Literally. And not quite so literally, too. Who knew how many times they'd taken advantage of the small comforts now.
Kai tilt his head, letting his gaze fall back on the gentle slopes of Shinji's profile. "S'worked for us so far, right?" He said, unknowingly echoing some of the other boy's thoughts.
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"Yeah. Even if it takes more work than just that, it's all still worth it," he says, with a sheepish little smile, before turning his attention back up. Clearly, we're getting less and less vague with who we're really talking about here, between the theoretical celestial runaways and the very real ones laying on the ground speculating about them.
"I'm... glad that I'm here. Really, really glad."
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"Good," Kai murmured warmly. "You've... gotten a lot brighter, y'know."
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Merits worth sticking around for, like that hint of a smile from Kai, like those warm words settling on his heart.
"Ah," that warmth blooms up into his cheeks, but he doesn't pay it much mind this time around. "I think... no, I know I have you to thank for that."
If Kai hand't been so stubborn about making sure he was okay, Shinji would probably still be holing himself up as much as possible, keeping himself from getting to honestly enjoy the sorts of kind experiences this world and the other people brought here opened up for him. He knows he owes Kai more than he could ever repay in that respect, the least he can do is try to put that effort paid to him to good use.
"I might not ever really like myself, but even if it's really, really hard... I want to try and be a better person than I was."
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"Shinji..."
Rolling a little, Kai propped himself up to look at him just a bit better. He couldn't really be too disheartened by some of that-- compared to where Shinji had been about a year ago, even just "maybe not ever really liking himself" was. Real Big Progress? Wanting to be better would just keep changing that for the better, maybe? That felt right, at least. Kai wanted to believe in that.
He settled his hand warm near the far edge of Shinji's collar, squeezing lightly. "You'll get there. Definitely."
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"Thank you," he says gently, lifting one hand to rest on top of Kai's, echoing that squeeze with one of his own. Thank you, for tonight, for believing in him, "For everything. I really am lucky that we got to meet here."
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Wouldn't that be wild?
Kai leaned down, gently bumping his head against Shinji's. "Yeah," he murmured. They were both really lucky. "Can't think of anywhere I'd rather be." Not now. Not after all of this.
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That is... kind of a heavy sentiment, isn't it? Not one that Shinji can't grasp, the fact that Kai never seems to have much to say as far as sentimental memories of the world he came from is awfully telling, but it's not like he's in the same position as Shinji is. Where there's essentially nothing to return to, where Havenwell truly is the better option, even with its quirks and pitfalls. To think that Kai would have it better here, to think that Shinji would have some hand in it...
And yet, can he really deny that he's factoring in to that claim, not when they're here, not when Kai's so close. It's enough to refresh that barely buried worry that he's somehow deceived the other, how could he possibly factor in to something that important, but...
Ah. This really is nice.
"Me neither." He exhales softly, not quite a laugh, but close, as he reaches up with his free hand to gently rest at the back of Kai's head, in a gesture almost like a hair-ruffle. Almost. "I hope... I get to stay here with you for as long as possible."
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There was something almost electric about the way Shinji's fingertips skirted over his hair. For a moment, Kai could have sworn that maybe he'd done something by accident. It didn't seem that way though? There was no alarm happening, just all of this. It was pretty close to a hair ruffle though. Enough so that Kai let his eyes slip close for a moment, a soft smile on his lips.
Undeniably, there was a small part of him that was holding on to a scrap of guilt that he hadn't done anything more back home. The nights of anxious highways hadn't entirely gone away yet. But who knew if anyone still needed him? ... Who knew if they'd ever needed him in the first place?
"Me too," Kai agreed, looking at Shinji again. "S'good thing we've got a lot of work to do, I guess."
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Now, though, even if he were offered the possibility of going back, and the part of him that still feels like he's got some responsibility or obligation to either fix the mess he left behind or live with it... he really, truly wouldn't want to leave Kai behind. It's selfish, and he knows it is, but after everything, he'd unquestionably hate himself even more if he seriously considered choosing to hurt the other like that.
"Mmm," he hums softly in agreement. Who knew that potential lifetime of work would be a 'good thing'? How wild. "I'll do what I can, so that maybe the two of us can see a real night sky together someday."
Whether that could be close possibility, or remain a distant promise to keep in mind.
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"Yeah. Get ourselves a real sky, and then we can find a real mountain for the real view." Between the stargazing and other hikes he'd handed promises to, it was going to be a whole camping affair. That sounded... really good, actually.
"I guess this all counts as hard work, huh?" This extremely bro position they were in. What a good work ethic. Kai grinned. "Good job."
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Good job on the touch points, everyone!
He sends that thought off with a soft hum of approval, only to have another one swim in and take its place. It's not a new one, it's something that's been passing through his mind since this whole trip was proposed, but the notion that, perhaps, it could be said out loud... feels kind of appealing right now.
"Can I tell you something?"
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"Yeah?" Of course, geez. "Shoot."
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"I wasn't going to tell anyone because it's really not a big deal, but, it's actually my birthday today."
He says it with a sheepish little smile, like he's really hoping this won't blow anything out of proportion - he just wants to let Kai know, that's all! "So all of this feels extra nice, you know?"
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Well this sure was serendipitous. Kai wouldn't have actually known what to do (or even if he was even like... supposed to do anything) for this had he known beforehand. Likewise, he still didn't have any idea what this meant going forward but. Hm. "Hah! Guess the cake really worked out."
Geez. Kai smiled.
"Happy birthday, Shinji."
no subject
Really, he hadn't been expecting much, or anything at all for that matter. It's not... a secret, exactly, but boy oh boy did he seriously not like the idea of having a party, or even getting that kind of spotlight directed his way, which means not bringing it up is really the ideal way to go about it. It's not an important thing, and the number of extra months getting robot-kidnapped injected into his calendar kind of made it all a moot-point anyway. Just a completely meaningless date, no matter how you slice it! At the same time, it doesn't feel all that uncomfortable to be telling Kai, and especially not after they've already done some birthday-adjacent things completely by coincidence.
This... yeah. This is good. Really good.
"Thank you," any traces of embarrassment fade away at that, leaving a soft sincerity to his smile. Any one piece of this evening would have been more than enough on its own, putting it all together makes it a real delight. "Getting to spend it like this has honestly been amazing."